Have you ever experienced someone who seemed callous or unfeeling toward your state of sorrow or pain?
...AND, thought they had just the tonic for your ailment.
...AND, they thought they had said just the thing you needed to hear.
...BUT, left you with a greater sense of sadness and loneliness than before they offered their 'comfort'?

I have.

According to them, I just need to...
(fill in the blank)

I can't get their faces or words out of my mind. When I find myself heavy or pained, their words ring in my ears and their faces remain upon my memory like the fading grin of the Cheshire cat.

Proverbs 25:20 says,
"He who sings songs to a heavy heart is like him who lays off a garment in cold weather and like vinegar upon soda."

And THAT is how their well-intentioned prodding felt to me... empty and cold.

What's worse?
I've been like that!
I hate that memory.
There was a time I felt I had all the answers and knew the right and wrong for every person... and I talked about it continually... especially to others.
I deserve the harvest of those seeds.

So what prevents a person from sympathy toward another who is downcast or heavy-hearted ?
Pride maybe?
I was proud. I was even proud of the lessons I thought I'd learned through my pain. In fact, it wasn't until I found myself pained in a situation where nothing made any sense, and there was no way out, that I began to feel I had no answers anymore... just sympathy for others.

The Bible instructs us to...
"Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep."
(Romans 12:15)

And now I am convinced that sobriety IS better overall than frivolity.

How about this statement from the wisest man who ever lived?...

"Sorrow is better than laughter, for by the sadness of the countenance the heart is made better and gains gladness." (Ecclesiastes 7:3)

Did you see that?
"...BY the sadness of the countenance the heart is made better and gains gladness."

WOW!

Yet, there is also the following statement by the same author...

"A happy heart is good medicine and a cheerful mind works healing, but a broken spirit dries up the bones."
(Proverbs 17:22)

This passage said, a 'happy HEART' and a 'cheerful MIND' works healing. The mind is usually where the problems are. A smiley face or cheerful voice over a heavy heart seems hypocritical to me.

This passage also said, '...a broken spirit dries up the bones.'
It makes sense that one's spirit shouldn't stay broken, but true brokenness can lead us to God, the only sure Comforter. And He touches discouragement with deliverance.

"The Lord is near the brokenhearted; he delivers those who are discouraged."
(Psalms 34:18)

So here's what I'm thinking...
Gladness and joy are demeanors completely distinctive from the look on one's face.
A happy heart and a cheerful mind have a depth about them: a source of joy that does not appear foolish or meaningless like a planted smile might.
Smiling, singing, or displaying cheerfulness does NOT create or prove a joyful heart. That's just plain backwards. (Kind of like trying to do good works to be saved versus your salvation producing good works in you. But that's another topic.)

Grief and pain are not the same as anxiety or depression.
A sad countenance or heavy disposition doesn't prove anything.
How can anyone claim to know a person's heart?

"For what person understands what passes through a man's thoughts except the man's own spirit within him?"
(1 Corinthians 2:11)

However, by one's words and bodily carriage, one soon displays oneself.
So...
If soneone is angry, leave him alone.
(Prov. 22:24)
If someone continually elaborates on other's faults while enumerating their own virtues, don't associate with them.
(Prov. 20:19)

But there ARE individuals who are truly struggling and in pain from people and/or circumstances. And when one is truly hurting, one does not want to be told to sing or smile.

Thankfulness and gratitude are different though. They are conditions of the mind and heart. They can lead to joy. And sometimes it does help to have someone point out a more optimistic perspective.

"Anxiety in a man's heart weighs it down, but an encouraging word makes it glad."
(Proverbs 12:25)

So, even though anxiety may be the cause behind a heavy heart, the Bible says that, "an encouraging word makes it glad."

An encouraging word...
An encouraging word...
An encouraging word...

Don't tell me to smile when I'm sad.

"A glad heart makes a cheerful countenance..."
(Proverbs 15:13)

Don't tell me to sing when I'm sad.
"...Is anyone in good spirits?
He should sing praises."
(James 5:13)

And so, for me, the Bible has brought me the greatest comfort. It has vindicated me in my expression of sorrow. But it has also directed me in dealing with pain.

"...Godly grief, and the pain God is permitted to direct, produce a repentance that leads and contributes to salvation and deliverance from evil, and it never brings regret... observe what this same godly sorrow has done for you and has produced in you: what eagerness and earnest care..., what indignation at the sin..., what yearning, what zeal..." (2 Corinthians 7:10-11)

So...
That would mean that 'regret' or beating oneself up is NOT godly sorrow. Godly sorrow brings a turn-about... a zeal and eagerness to do right.

'Earnest care', 'yearning', and 'zeal' are NOT the same as despondency and anxious thought.

"All the days of the desponding and afflicted are made evil [by anxious thoughts and forebodings], but he who has a glad heart has a continual feast [regardless of circumstances]."
(Proverbs 15:15)

I AM learning to be content in any circumstance. (Phil. 4:11)
BUT, in the meantime, I am thankful for the friends who sit beside me, so to speak, and mirror my countenance.

A truly thoughtful person will LISTEN to another who is in pain.
They will be slow to speak.
They will address the heart and persuade the mind.

True gladness comes when the night is over and 'morning breaks'. (Psalm 30:5)

"Happy is the one who endures testing, because when he has proven to be genuine, he will receive the crown of life that God promised to those who love him."
(James 1:12 NET)

AND

"...We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose."
(Romans 8:28)

God IS the only source of true and lasting comfort and peace.

Yes, this was a rant. smile emoticon