Narcissim hurts...

I spent some time researching something I've come to believe is a real and prevalent problem, at least according to my VERY limited human experiences and interactions...

Narcissim.

I'm sharing my favorite quotes first and putting the longer articles they came from, with their links, below... because it's A LOT of material.

Here is the first one...

"There are many types of narcissist, though they all suffer with one common trait - A COMPLETE LACK OF EMPATHY"

(the emphasis is mine)

LACK OF EMPATHY is what I keep running up against... and the reason for my research on this topic.

I shouldn't be surprised at people's lack of empathy, right?

Jesus predicted,
"Many will turn away from me and betray and hate each other.
And many false prophets will appear and will deceive many people.
Sin will be rampant everywhere, and the love of many will grow cold.
But the one who endures to the end will be saved."
(Matthew 24:10‭-‬13 NLT)

People HAVE turned their focus away from God.
People DO twist the scripture to their own ends.
People ARE all too ready to throw one another 'under the bus' or step on each other to elevate or advance themselves.
Sin is not only rampant everywhere,  it has become an almost archaic confession devoid of any real definition and accepted as an inescapable condition.
Loving oneself IS the theme of our day.

An inflated sense of self-importance IS narcissim and lack of empathy is it's primary symptom.

"Due to their lack of empathy, narcissists see other people as nothing more than objects, or props in their own movie (life)."

'Self importance' can deceptively take a person over disguised as an almost admirable religious self-introspection and evaluation, as in this story Jesus told,

“Two men went to the Temple to pray. One was a Pharisee, and the other was a despised tax collector.  The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed this prayer : ‘I thank you, God, that I am not like other people—cheaters, sinners, adulterers. I’m certainly not like that tax collector!  I fast twice a week, and I give you a tenth of my income.’"
(Luke 18:10‭-‬12)

The Pharisee thought of himself as God-focused when, in reality, he was extremely self-focused.

“A proud man is always looking down on things and people; and, of course, as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something that is above you.”
---Mere Christianity, by C.S. Lewis

This is key!!!

Narcissist people do a lot of justifying themselves and evaluating others... i.e. 'looking down.'

I truly believe that a narcissistic Christian has spent TOO much time 'looking down' in self-evaluation and in analyzing others... maybe even with heavy amounts of Bible study. And when one's Bible study primarily becomes a means by which one justifies oneself or one's doctrine... when examining the scriptures becomes more about proving one's point and evaluating people than about knowing God more intimately... I believe very strongly that this person will also have a warped image of who God is.
God IS love.
Misunderstanding GOD or LOVE will result in personality disorders and relationship issues because the 'something above' will not be in proper focus.

What am I talking about?

I'm referring to professing Christians who can recite a  learned doctrine concerning the person of God, but do not possess a true and awe-inspiring realization of who God truly is.

"The Word gave life to everything that was created, and his life brought light to everyone...
The one who is the true light, who gives light to everyone, was coming into the world.
He came into the very world he created, but the world didn’t recognize him...
So the Word became human and made his home among us..."
(John 1:4‭, ‬9‭-‬10‭, ‬14)

Without a proper realization of what our Creator did in taking on human flesh and dying our death, one CANNOT reciprocate that love back to God or out to others.

"...Self-identified Christians who deny the deity of Jesus Christ express their denial in such a subtle manner that it’s difficult for the theologically untrained to know quite what is going on. There is, for example, such a thing as “functional Christology.”

How does THIS have anything to do with narcissim?

Let me first explain two different views of God...

One possible view of God believes...
That the Creator put on flesh and lived among His fallen creation perfectly... an eternal soul in a body of man...  the Creator within the body of the created...
That the Lord became the son of a woman thereby begetting Himself a body of flesh, Jesus, who then chose righteousness along with undeserved punishment and death in the stead of His own creation...
That God became our Savior...
That this flesh, God's Christ, is Himself the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end...
That through His Christ, a holy God touches corrupted man... rescuing all who look up and cling to Him.

A view of God  MINUS a belief in an incarnate Christ goes something like this...
Our Creator demanded a death.
He had a son who voluntarily carried out His requirement and showed us how to live to please God (and also how to die for Him)... so that we can, by copying  the example He demonstrated, merit the Father's favor, and receive the reward of forgiveness for past and unintentional sins... as long as we maintain obedience to His way of doing things right.

This latter view requires continual self-introspection and analysis. In fact,  more time is spent inward looking and in Bible study and mental analysis than is spent in a consciousness of God and consciously looking for Him.

Such a focus on 'self,' I believe, can and does breed narcissistic tendencies within one's personality.

Furthermore, I believe that to the degree that such a person feels accomplished concerning his or her personal meritorious self-control and self-analysis IS that degree to which he or she will become convinced of the possibility, even the necessity, that others do as they themselves have done. Their personal story becomes the standard by which they measure others and the testimony through which they teach their doctrine... and it is devoid of empathy.

Believing rightly about the Gospel is CRUCIAL to living out true Christianity and, by God's grace, avoiding the narcissistic tendencies inherent in every one of us.

"If you find yourself even considering the fact that you might be a narcissist then you can be assured that you are definitely not one!"

It is painful to be touched by any narcissist, but hopelessness washes over one who finds himself evaluated by a narcissist who calls himself Christian.

I was shocked and delighted to discover my mantra in my research of this topic, because, many years ago, it became the sanity saving words with which I counseled my children in dealing with the cruelty of peer ridicule and untrue accusations from well-intentioned adults.

"Smile and nod - do not try to "talk over" the narcissist."

Can a narcissist change?
I believe they can.
I did.

"The solution for curing a narcissist:
Solitary confinement with no possibility of contact with the outside world, or the gaining of narcissistic supply.
Then, a committed effort to meet and release the original emotional traumas.
Then, stimulation and re-learning of empathy, compassion, connection to life and others, and integrity...
And I know that the people who decide to do this, need to commit to dropping all addiction (avoidance techniques) to be willing to be with and meet their pain in order to finally deal with it, and be liberated from it..."

It worked for me.

"...How deeply the wounds that led to the narcissism exist in the life of the narcissist.
In order to progress, the narcissist will have to look honestly at the feelings he or she experienced during that time and find a new way to survive.
I believe that the love of Jesus Christ provides a different way of hope and life.  The narcissist does not have to hide the reality of his pain and suffering.  He can take those things to Jesus and find peace and acceptance."

Discovering the love of God my Savior during a period of complete brokenness... isolated to shut down my mental gymnastics and meditate upon God alone... rescued me from deep despair and I found myself filled with an empathy that could only have coming from the heart of a loving God.
_________________________________________
ARTICLES FOLLOW...

"To understand Christian narcissism, one needs to understand narcissism.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or NPD, is a clinical psychological personality disorder where the person is overly preoccupied with himself/herself. The narcissist has a distorted self image, intense mood swings, lacks understanding of others, and has a sense of superiority. Narcissists see his/her interests and opinions as the only ones that really matter. Rarely does a narcissist admit they are wrong.

According to Medical News Today a person with narcissistic personality disorder typically shows some of the symptoms listed below:

They believe they are special, above others and rules.
They believe they have a right for special treatment.
Obsessed with themselves.
Arrogant.
Difficulties maintaining long term relationships.
When hurt they feel and act like a victim.
Responds to criticism with anger, humiliation, or shame.
They boast about their own talents, achievements and importance.
They have an exaggerated sense of self regarding their looks, intelligence and success.
They have difficulties maintaining healthy relationships.
Overly sensitive.
Seeks attention from others and positive reinforcement.
Lacks empathy towards others.
They may believe their skills in romance are superior to anybody else's.

Religious Narcissism...

Some Christians have their ego so attached to biblical teachings they do not know where they end and the truth of God's word begins. A Christian narcissist uses the Bible and teachings of Jesus Christ to fulfill their own emotional and relational significance. They often approach others with rigidity, condemnation and confrontation all in the name of God. They state what they do is for God's Glory, but at the end of the day, it’s all about them.

Dr. David Orrison explains Christian narcissism further...

Christian narcissist seems like an oxymoron, a term that has two contradictory parts.
Narcissism is a flesh pattern that developed in early life and became the coping mechanism of choice in handling the stresses of life. This happened while the person was very young and has been reinforced constantly throughout life. That means that if such a person would become a believer he or she would almost certainly continue to struggle with narcissistic behavior in relationships. I am tempted to say that there cannot be such a creature, yet I do know some. In fact, many churches have them.

Christian behavior is easy to fake and many in the church are naïve and gullible and are particularly vulnerable to the manipulations and deceit of the narcissist. The church is a prime hunting ground for narcissists, with little real accountability and significant opportunity for attention and promotion.

Profile of a Christian Narcissist...
Overly devoted, or extreme devotion to his religious group.
Places great emphasis and control of others on the proper conduct or rights, rituals, and ceremonies.
Rigid.
Center of attention at prayer groups, services, and other church functions.
Feels they have divine providence and a grandiose connection to God.
Believes they are doing others a service by condemning them, pointing out their flaws and wrongdoing.
Believes their uniqueness is purposeful, they are meant to lead and reform others.

A Christian narcissist knows the Bible through and through. They can use Bible verses to slice and dice others in conversations. When speaking with a Christian narcissist they assert their point of view as right and can usually find a Bible verse to back up their view claiming it comes from God because it is in the Bible. Their dogma and agenda is confrontational with little to no respect to other's point of view, religious thoughts and beliefs. They may even claim they are more biblically scholarly than others when confronted with contradicting Bible verses.

How to Deal with a Christian Narcissist...

Learn about narcissism and know that even Christians can have personality disorders.
Narcissists usually win in conversations because they fatigue others, the best option is not to go toe to toe with a Christian Narcissist.
Try not to engage in a conversation that is going nowhere.
Try to avoid them.
Pray.
Keep your expectations realistic, you probably will not change their minds.
Set boundaries.
Half truths are more dangerous than falsehoods.
Though they are quoting from the Bible, their truths and interpretations of the Bible can be wrong.
If you are confused by their teachings seek wise counsel from a Christian who is not narcissistic.

How to Know you are Dealing with a Christian Narcissist...

You know you have encountered a Christian narcissist when:

In conversation they never get tongue-tied.
They can change the conversation in a different direction, or offer a Bible verse to state how right they are and how wrong you are.
They are crafty, cunning, sly, and clever to make sure they get their religious point across or their religious agenda completed.
They leave little room in the conversation for your point of view.
When asking a question, they really do not want to hear your answer, but use your answer to further get their point across and demolish your beliefs.
Although they may say they are humble and try to come across with humility, they have an arrogance about them.
They lack remorse and rarely would you hear them say, they are wrong or sorry.
You feel you cannot 'connect' with them.
They seem distant and cold.
They are always right, and you will alwlays be wrong in their eyes, there is no middle ground.
You feel exhausted, baffled and confused after speaking with a narcissistic Christian.
You may feel your personal relationship with Christ and your beliefs do not match with their Chrstian ideology.
Their beliefs although, Christian, may seem forgien to you.
Their behavior does not always match up with what they preach.
They always have the last word."

https://hubpages.com/religion-philosophy/Christian-Narcissism

One-Way Conversations with a Narcissist...

"Smile and nod - do not try to "talk over" the narcissist.
Excuse yourself - perhaps you have an appointment, or simply need to get back home or back to the office to complete a task.
Realize that you do not "owe" the person any more of your time than you are willing to give.
Be consistent and firm - a narcissist may continue attempts at manipulation.
Stand your ground!No is a complete answer - no explanations are necessary and should be avoided if possible.
Avoid asking a narcissist for advice.
The less you say, the less they have to "work with" - do not inadvertently invite explanations or offers of expertise.
Say, "thank you for your suggestions, I will consider them."
Do not attempt to argue your position on the topic of discussion to convince the other person they are incorrect."

Dealing with Mild Narcissism...

"There are several, relatively simple tips on how to deal with narcissism, when it is mild.

A mild narcissist is overly eager to talk about him or herself. They can still usually empathize to a certain degree with others, and may offer to help those in need. This condition can be annoying to others because the narcissist tends to monopolize conversations and often seems to be bragging about themselves, their spouse or partner, their kids, their job and/or their possessions.

A narcissist often takes a lot of photographs of his or her family or themselves, and may document their every move on social networks, via posting, commenting, or uploading links or photographs for others to see and comment. They will interrupt conversations in groups and switch the topic back to them, or to a member of their family or someone they know. It's as if they feel like they have to be talking to be contributing to the discussion!

These people tend to have big personalities - so give them room! You are not condoning their behavior or allowing them to walk all over you. Rather, you may simply recognize the fact that a narcissist has little leftover attention to give you. They usually feel compelled to seek approval of others, which is what they want from you!"

https://hubpages.com/relationships/how-to-deal-with-narcissism

Myths About Narcissists...

"Myth 1. A narcissist is someone who is in love with their self.

Technically, a narcissist is not genuinely in love with their self. Rather, they are actually in love with the false self; the innocent, angelic, good-as-gold persona which they project in order to fool those around them (except their victims... sometimes).

In fact, the narcissist does not actually literally love either their real self or their false self but they are compulsively obsessed with the false self-projection that they have worked many years to achieve, which gives the illusion that they are in love with their self - they are Dr Jekyll & Mr Hyde.

The person that everyone knows them as is nothing more than a fabrication; layers of twisted secrecy constructed to protect the disturbed abuser that lies beneath the facade. Narcissists are incapable of loving another person because they have not learned to love and be comfortable with their true self.

Myth 2. Narcissists are just people with high levels of self-esteem.

This is completely untrue. Normal, healthy and functional people can have high levels of self-esteem without being narcissistic, at least not to the point of a personality disorder.

Unlike a normal healthy person, a narcissist's self-esteem must be constantly regulated whilst the narcissist has no empathy, therefore in relationships the narcissist is only concerned with what their partner can do for them but never the opposite way around - the narcissist does not genuinely care about their partner's feelings, though will pretend to, and they show high levels of self-entitlement.

Their acted out empathy is all just a part of their facade yet is extremely compelling.

Myth 3. All narcissists are highly successful.

Although this may be true in the case of many overt, classic or elite narcissists, it is most certainly not the case with covert narcissists or inverted narcissists.

Covert and inverted narcissists actually have a lot of self-doubt and a lack of belief in their capabilities therefore they rarely go on to actually make any significant achievements throughout their lives.

In addition, the inverted narcissist is co-dependent and therefore relies on their partner to take care of them, as a mother or father would, though this also is done without genuine love or empathy.

Myth 4. Narcissists are just vain and big-headed people.

Although a high level of narcissism can result in people becoming more obsessed with their own physical appearance and self-image, a true malignancy of narcissism goes much deeper resulting in an unreasonable balance of self-entitlement, dysfunctional relationships and what can only be described as 'backwards logic' which is persistent over a long period of time.

Myth 5. All narcissists are the same.

This is completely untrue.

There are many types of narcissist, though they all suffer with one common trait - a complete lack of empathy.

There are overt narcissists, covert narcissists, cerebral narcissists, the inverted narcissist, the classic narcissist, the somatic narcissist and many more.

All narcissists lack empathy and are unable, or unwilling, to relate to the emotions of other people all of the time but their entire act when they pretend to is often flawlessly natural and extremely convincing.

Myth 6. A narcissist is just someone who is selfish and abusive.

Whilst narcissists are indeed both selfish and abusive, the fact that differentiates them from others is the entire false self which is gradually developed over many years, usually decades, to form a host of protective layers to hide the deceitful, manipulative abuser that secretly hides beneath.

The narcissist is an expert at doing so, as they have been practicing this art ever since they were a young child - they have gone on to develop a super-human capacity for manipulation and are extremely calculative.

Myth 7. All narcissists are capable of murder and rape.

Whilst it's a well-known fact within the mental health community that all rapists and murderers are narcissists, this does most certainly not mean that all narcissists are capable of such acts.

There are many narcissists who draw the line at emotional or mental abuse or a combination of both, as long as they get what they want. Some of them may use physical abuse instead but it's only a small percentage of narcissists who are sexual abusers but all narcissists are predatory in some sense of the word.

Due to their lack of empathy, narcissists see other people as nothing more than objects, or props in their own movie (life), to be used for their own gratification in order to fulfill their abnormal sense of entitlement.

Myth 8. A narcissist does not know they are a narcissist.

Plausible denial is a huge part of malignant narcissism and the denial of being a narcissist goes hand in hand with general narcissistic traits and the personality disorder as a whole.

Narcissists are not concerned with the presence of their overly narcissistic traits but they know that they lack a vital part of healthy human functioning (empathy) and that they can use this fact to their advantage - this is their biggest secret and is to never be revealed.

A narcissist will never admit that they are a narcissist. In addition, if you find yourself even considering the fact that you might be a narcissist then you can be assured that you are definitely not one!

Myth 9. Narcissists are just con-men/women.

There is a huge difference between a con-man or con-woman and a narcissist.

Most narcissists are pathological liars who have become compulsively obsessed with upholding their false sense of self in order to protect the "damaged goods" that remain concealed beneath the facade.

Beneath this facade, which is built brick by brick over the course of their lifetime, the narcissist is nothing more than a compulsive emotional vampire, a compulsive abuser, a compulsive liar who will use any opportunity they can to kick their victim(s) while they're down.

Although not intended, narcissists can be perceived by their victim(s) to be emotionally/mentally sadistic.

Myth 10. All abusers are narcissists.

This is definitely not true.

Abuse takes place in many different forms and abuse in relationships can be caused by many other factors. Just because someone is an abuser, it does not necessarily mean they are a narcissist, the difference being that the narcissist is playing a consistent and constant long-term game; a life-long game which they must maintain control of.

The narcissist cannot help resorting to abuse, as it acts as a security measure keeping people at bay and never allowing anyone to get too close to them emotionally.

https://hubpages.com/health/10-Common-Myths-About-NPD-Narcissistic-Personality-Disorder-Dispelled-Malignant-Narcissism

A Surprising Cause of Narcissism, by Jonice Webb, PhD...

A common root cause:
Childhood Emotional Neglect

"...Feelings and needs were simply ignored ...also, at times, punished...

The CEN child grows up largely unseen and unheard. Even if his parents were loving and kind, it was toward a generic child, not the specific one they had. There may be no abuse or harshness; there is simply an emotional vacuum.

The narcissist also grows up unseen and unheard. But her Emotional Neglect is more extreme. Her emotions and needs are ignored, yes. But they are also at times actively invalidated..."

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/childhood-neglect/2015/07/a-surprising-cause-of-narcissism/

"I have received a couple questions recently about how a narcissist can change.  There is a surprising lack of literature on methods of treatment for narcissism.  Most books are written for family members, spouses, and others in relationships with narcissists; in other words, the victims.  In fact, most books that even mention the idea of treatment say something like this quote I found in a clinical book specifically about narcissism:  “Narcissistic disorders are prevalent and believed to be among the most difficult clinical problems to treat.”  I find the combination of “prevalent” and “most difficult” to be concerning.

Does that mean there are a lot of narcissists out there and there is nothing anyone can do about them?  It may seem that way, and that’s why most of the books are about how to deal with them, avoid them or recuperate from them.  Most family counselors, pastoral therapists, etc. have never tried to treat a narcissist and most wouldn’t know where to begin.  Fortunately, that seems to be balanced by the fact that so few narcissists believe anything is wrong with them.  Their problems are easily blamed on others.  Not many narcissists will ever come to a counselor for treatment.

The problem, in general, is that narcissism is usually a survival technique learned in early childhood through repetitive traumatic situations in which the child feels powerless, rejected, and valueless.  The particular technique used is to deny the negative feelings and the negative self-appraisal and replace the perceived reality by a more positive and personally-designed substitute.  Since the narcissist knows that the substitute is not real, he must continually reinforce it and reject any attempt to reveal the truth.

Now, if you understand the above paragraph, you see why narcissists are hard to treat and usually don’t seek treatment.  Counselors who understand narcissism often find that the most reasonable types of treatment don’t work because the narcissists will not cooperate.  They will not do homework, will reject the counselor’s assessments, or will lie to manipulate the exposure.

So what can a narcissist do if he really does want to change?  He should find a good counselor, someone who has an understanding of and experience with narcissism.  If he truly wants to change and isn’t playing a game, there are things that will help.  The counselor will want to look at what happened so long ago and why the child chose that survival technique.  The narcissist will find this process very difficult, but going through it will be the key.

Now, I have no fantasies about being able to cure a disorder the professional therapists find daunting.  As a Christian, I believe the Lord can do anything, even cure a narcissist.  I also believe that it would take a miracle from Him to accomplish forward progress and I would not hesitate to ask for one.  I think a narcissist should go to the Lord, with the counselor if possible.  In the presence of the Lord, the truth can be confronted.

Narcissists do not deal well with truth.  Many victims note how easily the narcissist lies.  These folks are the ultimate utilitarians; they use whatever it takes to accomplish their purposes.  Truth, like a person, is just a tool to use.  It has little meaning outside of its usefulness.  If a falsehood will accomplish the purpose more effectively or even easier, it can be substituted without qualms.

But for the narcissist to progress away from the disorder, the truth will have to be confronted and accepted.

In the last two “Narcissist Friday” posts, I shared a couple stories that are difficult to read.  Both of them elicit sympathy from the reader.  My purpose was to show how deeply the wounds that led to the narcissism exist in the life of the narcissist.  In order to progress, the narcissist will have to look honestly at the feelings he or she experienced during that time and find a new way to survive.

I believe that the love of Jesus Christ provides a different way of hope and life.  The narcissist does not have to hide the reality of his pain and suffering.  He can take those things to Jesus and find peace and acceptance.

Easy?  Of course not!  Who wants to go there again?  But there is hope…."

https://graceformyheart.wordpress.com/2012/05/04/a-narcissist-cure/

Can a Narcissist Ever Change?...

By Dr. David B. Hawkins,

"Do you ever wonder if your mate can be helped? Do you wonder if their character issues are so camouflaged that no one will ever see them, much less intervene with them? Do you feel tired and hopeless?

This is often the way the mate of a Narcissist feels. They believe they are the only ones who will ever see the damage the Narcissist can do or experience the mood swings and rollercoaster relating that occurs in the relationship. They fear they are the only ones to experience the self-centered, grandiose, non-empathic style of the Narcissist. Feeling unheard, talked over, blame-shifted has caused you to lose hope. You wonder about counseling, but he/ she refuses.

Even more serious, most answering questions about counseling the Narcissist offer grim advice. You’re likely to hear some of the following counsel:

“Get out while you can.”
"The Narcissist will never change.”
“They will hurt you and then leave you.”
“Narcissists take, take, take and never give.”

While this counsel is undoubtedly well-meaning and largely true, it is short-sighted and quite possibly simplistic. While counseling someone with Narcissistic traits, or worse, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, can be arduous, change is not impossible.

Now some of you may scream at the sight of those words.

“What do you mean change is possible?” you ask. “I’ve tried for years to get him/ her to change and nothing has helped. I’ve been praying for years and if anything, he/ she has gotten worse.”

Yes, these are the stories I hear every day and while I’m not suggesting I have a magic wand or have the ability to perform miracles, I do want you to step back and consider a few truisms. Consider the truth of these sayings:

There is rarely a breakthrough without a breakdown.Change occurs when what we stand to lose is greater than what we must give to change.Most people resist change.Rarely do we change from internal motivation—we change when someone is tired, really tired, of our behavior.Using wise strategies, combined with Godly wisdom, can lead to significant change!

These truths are never more apparent than when talking about a Narcissist. Believing these truths, let’s consider what you can do to bring about lasting change. By the way, these truths apply to any behavioral/ emotional condition that causes you consternation.

Biblical story after story offers the same pattern: When we are brought to the end of ourselves we often finally realize we need God. At the end of our resources, we realize we need Someone who can take our lives and make sense out of it. When we have hit a bottom and discover that our best thinking got us exactly where we are today, we become open to change.

Let’s look a little more closely at this issue and its application to us.

First, change begins with a transformation of our minds. Scripture teaches “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect” (Romans 12:2). Our entire thought patterns and beliefs must change to bring about true change. We must be humbled and then become open to inner life transformation.

Second, change occurs when we are sorry for the way we have been. We change when we feel true remorse over how we have lived and treated others. “Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death” (2 Corinthians 7:10). We must experience sorrow for our actions leading to a true heart change.

Third, change means feeling threatened and unstable. We must have our world rocked before we are willing to “see” in new ways. Those around us must allow us to “hit the bottom.” They must “see” in new ways what they stand to lose if they continue to act the way they do. We must look closely to ensure that we are not enabling the very behavior we hope to see changed. We look for new anchors and see God as a source of stability and direction.

Fourth, change begins when what we are doing no longer works. When those around us stop enabling our immature, self-centered behavior, we often experience an emotional and spiritual crash. We are brought face to face with the damage we have done and are doing, often leading to a repentant heart. The repentant heart is a humble heart, open to new learning and spiritual and emotional insights.

Finally, change is often precipitated by others and causes us to re-examine our lives. If what we are doing continues to “work,” we keep doing it. When we experience a threat of losing someone we love, we experience an emotional and spiritual crisis. A profound loss often causes us to look at our lives in a new way. This is a time when we are often open to listening to the voice of God. We then, and often only then, reexamine our lives."

http://www.crosswalk.com/family/marriage/doctor-david/can-a-narcissist-ever-change.html

The Narcissist’s “Healing Cell”...

"I remember years ago (unfortunately I can’t remember the source, so if anyone knows please tell me!) I came across an article regarding a person’s theory about how a narcissist could heal.

Knowing what I know now I agree…

It goes like this…

The solution:

Solitary confinement with no possibility of contact with the outside world, or the gaining of narcissistic supply.

Then, a committed effort to meet and release the original emotional traumas.

Then, stimulation and re-learning of empathy, compassion, connection to life and others, and integrity. Effectively re-parenting where these brain pathways left off, in order to catch them up to present time.

Truly – what narcissist is going to go through that? What facility is there to have that happen?

Additionally there would have to be every method possible to stop the narcissist committing suicide, because if narcissistic supply was removed, the narcissist would not want to live.

Please note I am not stating this is the case for people with mere ego issues or even narcissistic tendencies.

I believe everyone – co-dependents, and even ‘normal’ people all have varying degrees of survival mechanisms which are creating them to be not aligned in the true harmony of Who They Are.

All of these fears emenate from inner wounds that we closed down inside of us and tried to protect.

I have worked with thousands of people with confronting and releasing inner wounds, as well as confronting and releasing my own inner wounds, and I know the courage and commitment it takes to face them, to let them go and be free of them.

And I know that the people who decide to do this, need to commit to dropping all addiction (avoidance techniques) to be willing to be with and meet their pain in order to finally deal with it, and be liberated from it.

That’s what personal evolution and growth is all about.

Quick fixes, opting out, and self-avoidance just doesn’t cut it!

I have seen people who have had enough of living a life through their inner wounds, absolutely make the decision enough is enough and do the work..."

https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/what-would-it-take-for-a-narcissist-to-heal/

"...Under grace we have more than our own resources. We have God’s Holy Spirit enabling us to do His will. The Spirit filled life is moment-by-moment realizing His grace. The Spirit filled life is acknowledging it when I fail and keep bringing it back to God. It is when we take personal responsibility for our sin, and ask God to change us that brings the growth.

On the cross, Jesus died for our sin, for our badness. We were guilty and He paid for the guilt. When we confess our sins, we are taking care of what is wrong and what the cross already pays for. Being a man or woman of God is a matter of being humble and truthful about our sin and accepting His grace and growing.

John Powell said this, “We think we have to change, grow and be good in order to be loved. But rather we are loved and we receive His grace so we can change, grow and be good..."

http://www.startingwithgod.com/struggles/changes/

"
Question: "What does it mean to believe in Jesus?"

Answer: “Do you believe in Jesus?” seems like a strange question. It sounds like the same question as “Do you believe in Santa Claus?” or “Do you believe in aliens?” But the question “Do you believe in Jesus?” is asking far more than “Do you believe that Jesus Christ existed/exists?” The true meaning of the question is “Do you believe Jesus Christ is who the Bible says He is, and are you trusting Him as your Savior?”

So, do you believe in Jesus?

Do you believe that Jesus is God in human form (John 1:1, 14)? Do you believe that Jesus died on the cross to pay the penalty for your sins (1 Corinthians 15:3; 2 Corinthians 5:21), for which you deserve eternal separation from God (Romans 6:23)? Do you believe that the sacrifice of Jesus, God incarnate, is the only adequate payment for your sins (1 John 2:2; John 14:6; Acts 4:12)?

Do you believe these things? If so, great, but believing the facts about Jesus is only part of the equation. Biblical faith/belief is far more than believing certain things to be true. Biblical saving faith is also trusting/relying on those facts.

A chair is a good illustration. You can look at a chair and believe it is made of materials strong enough to support your weight, and you can believe that it was assembled correctly. But that is not biblical faith. Biblical faith is sitting in the chair. It is actually relying on the chair to hold your weight off the ground.

Are you trusting that Jesus is your Savior? Are you relying on His death as the full payment for your sin debt? Are you depending on His resurrection as the guarantee that you, too, will be raised to eternal life after death? Not that it could ever happen, but if the “chair” of Jesus Christ were pulled out from beneath you, spiritually speaking, would you hit the ground, or are you also relying on things in addition to the chair?

If you understand and believe what the Bible says about Jesus, and if you are trusting in those truths as the basis for salvation—you are saved! You “believe in Jesus” in the biblical sense.

If you are uncertain if you truly believe in Jesus but you desire to, or if you feel God drawing you to faith in Jesus, the next step is simple. Believe! Trust in Jesus! Rely on Him for your salvation. Allow God to turn you from sin to forgiveness and salvation.

If you would like to verbally express your new faith to God, here is a sample of what you can say: “God, I know that I have sinned. I know that my sin separates me from you. I know that if left unforgiven, my sin will separate me from you for eternity. I believe and trust that Jesus Christ is my Savior, that He died to pay the full penalty for my sins and that He rose from the dead on the third day. I am relying on His sacrifice alone to bring me into a right relationship with you. Thank you for forgiving me. Thank you for saving me. Help me to grow closer to you each and every day for the rest of my life.”

https://www.gotquestions.org/believe-in-Jesus.html

Did the Earliest Christians Really Think Jesus Was God?

"One of the most common critiques of Christianity is that some of its major tenets are late inventions. Core Christian doctrines, we are told, were never believed in the earliest phases of the church but were developed only at a later time period. Orthodoxy, therefore, was not early but late.

The most obvious example of a doctrine that was purportedly added later (we will cover another such doctrine in a future post) is the divinity of Jesus.  The popular internet-level narrative goes like this:  Jesus was not God, nor did he claim to be God. He was just an ordinary man.  At a later point, his followers began to assign attributes to him that were semi-divine–like an angel.  And it wasn’t until even later, around the fourth century council of Nicea, that Christians began to conceive of Jesus as the one and only creator God of the universe.

Of course, this is not the place for a full-scale assessment of early Christology. But, it is worth noting that some of our earliest Christian sources outside the New Testament don’t at all seem confused about the divinity of Jesus, but affirmed that he was fully God in every sense of the word.  One example is the second-century Epistle to Diognetus, a popular early Christian work that affirmed a very high Christology..."

https://michaeljkruger.com/did-the-earliest-christians-really-think-jesus-was-god-one-important-example/

https://gracethrufaith.com/ask-a-bible-teacher/believing-jesus-is-god-2/

"...Why do some Christian churches then allow members, if not leaders, to deny the deity of Jesus Christ—a doctrine so absolutely central and crucial to Christian identity?

One reason is that most self-identified Christians who deny the deity of Jesus Christ express their denial in such a subtle manner that it’s difficult for the theologically untrained to know quite what is going one. There is, for example, such a thing as “functional Christology.” In fact, that broad category pretty much covers most of the denials of the deity of Jesus Christ in modern theology. The idea is that Jesus “functioned” as God among people—by being the perfect revealer of God’s character and will (John A. T. Robinson’s “The Human Face of God”), or God’s “deputy and representative” among people (Hans Kung). The first formulator of functional Christology among Christians was Friedrich Schleiermacher who reduced Jesus’ deity to his intensity of God-consciousness that he was able to communicate to others.

Functional Christology is extremely clever and sometimes difficult to discover as such. People who actually believe in it will often talk about Jesus’ divinity, but, of course, they don’t mean he was/is ontologically one with God..."

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/rogereolson/2011/12/why-belief-in-the-deity-of-jesus-christ-is-crucial-for-christian-identity/

“A proud man is always looking down on things and people; and, of course, as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something that is above you.”

-Mere Christianity, by C.S. Lewis