I just found out that I was the unfortunate cause for sorrow in someone I dearly love.

My life has been full of trial lately and yet I feel like the Lord has been showing me something beautiful about Himself... His loving-kindness.

I have spent a couple weeks now studying every Scripture where the original word for loving-kindness was used. The picture this study painted of God was beautiful: in fact, more wonderful than I had imagined.

Two things that stood out to me: God wants us simply to cry out to Him, expecting His mercy AND God gives His loving-kindness to those who seek to follow His way of doing things right, even if they mess up in the process.

So, I have not only been crying out to God for His help and mercy, but refusing thoughts that He was just waiting to throw the next trial at me.

Also, I began realizing that things like anxiety, focusing on other's mistakes, and justifying myself were SIN and foolishly harmful to my mind and physical body.

One of the passages on my list stood out to me as an encouragement for this person I dearly love and have been praying for. To me, it sounded like this,

'You... yes YOU that is suffering this trial, just cry out to Me and I will deliver you.'

You see, I have been realizing that I often think thoughts of trusting God and I tell others I'm waiting on Him and yet I often fail to put into actual words a heart cry for help to Him.

Needless to say, the one I dearly love heard the passage this way,

'YOU rebel and wicked person you, you're sick because you're just a foolish rebel."

My heart is broken.

This isn't the first time I've observed some seemingly beautiful act of service, or word from a heart of true love, scrutinized and unexpectedly turned topsy-turvy.

I have put myself before God, pleading for Him to make right whatever I may have done wrong. As I was praying and trying to put myself on the receiving end, these verses came to me...

"As for you, you meant to harm me, but God intended it for a good purpose, so he could preserve the lives of many people, as you can see this day..."
(Genesis 50:20-21 NET)

I remembered when a very well meaning individual had told me that it was on account of my disobedience to God's commands to observe Jewish festivals and feasts, etc. that I had lost my baby. I don't remember feeling any animosity toward that person. Rather, I thought of the courage it took to say that to me. I did pray about it. No, I didn't conclude that this was the cause of my trials, but I did find growth in my walk with the Lord.

I thought about what I had said to this dear one and I could not make sense of the reaction it provoked.

Why? That's all l want to know. Why?
Why does what is intended for good have to appear evil?

And if people with opposite viewpoints both claim divine inspiration, what can one do but fall on one's face before God in humility and tears and beg for Him to make the wrong right.

I know, from the above verse in Genesis, that even if I had meant to harm this child of God, He would turn it to blessing.

And even if I had meant to curse this one I love, which I could never imagine doing...

"Like a fluttering bird or like a flying swallow, so a curse without cause does not come to rest."
( Proverbs 26:2 NET)

So why did my words fall like a curse?
I am in sorrow.